There is something I really need to get it off my chest.
Why do I find it so difficult to feel happy for you? Listening to you talk about your plans with your friends going to overseas just make me feel so out of place. I feel like I can never be a part of your life.
It is so unfair you know? There you are getting to do what you like and enjoying so much after your university and I am here just doubting myself if I'll ever get that far. I think I deserve much more and yet I don't. I know you are not obliged to sympathise me and I don't want to look needy for your sympathy too. Why does it seem perfectly alright for you to do the things you like but when it comes to me, it's so wrong? Like how we quarrelled the other day and I promised you I will never go to clubs again. Do you know how much I regretted for making that promise? Why must I stop myself from doing the only few things that I like?
Tbh, even the thought of clubbing makes me happy but I had to stop myself from thinking about it because I know I wouldn't get a chance to enjoy it anymore since I already promise you.
There were times when I cry myself to sleep because I am afraid of the future, how I see myself and what I'm going to be like few years down the road or how I'm going to make it through to match up to you. I find it hard to confide in you because I am sick and tired of telling you so much and yet nothing will change if we are going to continue living here.
There are really so many thoughts and feelings that I want to let you know but I just don't know how to put into words.
There are many kinds of happy but there are one that only you yourself can make feel so. It is the kind of happy that is nobody but you have the power to unleash. It waits for no one and lets go of whatever that is holding you back.
